I think about the guests at my wedding a lot. I think about how they took the time and traveled to get there, about how they wrote checks or bought items off of our registry, about how I wish I had spoken to more of them, mingled more. I think about the people I didn’t invite, and whom I wish I had. I think about how, by and large, my (soon-to-be-ex-)husband didn’t send any thank you notes, and how guilty I felt and still feel about that. I think about how embarrassing it is to get divorced after all of their generosity, about their probable surprise or disappointment, and about my own trepidation of doing the whole damn thing over again someday only to disappoint so many of my friends and family once more.
I worry that if I remarry, these same people from all the corners of my life will come to my second wedding and think, “Will this one last?” I think that myself about my theoretical second groom. Will this one last?
It seems like you’re thinking about that as well. It’s as if you are the guest at your own imaginary wedding. You are wondering if you should have given yourself that $500 check or just have stuck with a toaster.
But maybe the question is all wrong. Maybe “Will this one last?” is not the metric of a successful marriage. Maybe my own short marriage was a successful one… because it made me stronger, because it gave me a stable touchstone, because I worked out a lot of issues, because I was supported by a sweet, sensitive, brilliant man. Or maybe those are the words of a woman rationalizing her failed marriage.
Let’s check in later. You deserve happiness and peace of mind. I believe you can find it... maybe even in marriage.